☛ ☛ ☛ ☛ ☛ ☛ ☛ ☛ M ☜ ☜ ☜ ☜ ☜ ☜ ☜ ☜

Photo credit

Did the morning shift at the shelter. M came to the kitchen coffee bar slash order counter. She seldom makes eye contact. Her tendency is to gaze up to an imaginary 8 foot face. Tuesdays is eggs any which way, toast, apple juice, banana, yogurt and any hot beverage of your choice. M is particular about her food. A bit health conscious maybe.  Not quite sure. She orders toasts and eggs to go. When asked how she would like her eggs, she doesn't care. Surprising. Since I know she likes hard boiled (because they travel well and might keep her hands warm while they finish cooling), I fill a pot with water and throw in a couple of eggs.

M decides to sit and wait for her food. She always picks the same seat. Corner table. Back to the wall. Always making sure that nobody will consider joining her. M is extremely quiet this morning. She sits face in hands at times. At other times, she looks up to her imaginary 8 foot face battling with her thoughts. What is going on in that head? When I take the order of toast and boiled eggs over, she thanks me. And I believe that she is grateful.

M is always the last to leave the shelter. This morning I send her off into the cold with a "take care" which is met by total silence. For the longest time, she stands outside the door. When I see her again, like a statue she is standing 10 feet further looking down.

My shift is over. I walk out towards my car and there is M, standing still. Still standing. I decide to speak with her.

I start with: "M, is there anything I can help you with?"

"I don't know, she answers, can you?"

"Talk to me," I respond.

Her response was my reality call: "Why would I talk to you? I don't even know you." Like my earlier "take care" her words met my total silence but did not fall into deaf ears. I walk away. I walk away thinking that she is right. Why on earth would I begin to think that I could help?